Man walks..

[steveg]

Man walks into a bar.................
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had to have 6 stitches to his head

;)

[delh]

I felt this was scraping the barrel and had to respond......

A visitor to a psychiatric hospital asked the director how he decided which patients should be detained.
The director replied 'we fill up a bath, then offer the patient a teaspoon, a teacup or a bucket and ask them to empty the bathtub.'
'Oh, I see" said the visitor, 'a sane person would choose the bucket, because its biggest'
'No' said the director, 'a sane person would pull the plug out, now would you like a bed by the window?!'

political correctness?......What's that then?

[steveg]

See!

If only i had known that, 3 years of my life wouldnt have been lost!

hee

Woman rings up a library

"Is this the local library?" she asks

"Depends where you calling from dont it?" came the reply

;)

Man stops lady in the street

"whats the quickest way to the railway station?" he asks

"Probably a Jet" she says

[forumAdmin]

standards have really slipped havent they

other contributions welcome
even if they are at the level shown above :D

[steveg]

You know you have to buy me a pint to get me going!

[delh]

If its come to this, then I must dredge my memory banks:
Standard joke format, with varying responses...

What do you call a man/woman with a (insert relevant bit of gag here) on his/her head:

boat....Maud
300ft of rock....Cliff
300lb of weights....Jim
leaves.....Russell
200 bales of hay.....Barny
long electrical lead......Mike
piece of bacon....Hamed
two pieces of bacon....Mohammed
two pieces of bacon up narrow street....Mohammed Ali
large wild cat.....Claude
dead person's instructions...Will
Duck's nose....Bill
Turf accountants....Betty

etc etc etc............

raise the bar anyone.........?

[forumAdmin]

certainly couldnt lower it........
although I had not heard some of those so great effort:eek: :D

[steveg]

Wife comes into the lounge and hits her husband over head with frying pan

"I found this piece of paper in your pocket, who's Jenny!?" she screamed!

"Oh no darling, you got it wrong, thats not a lady, its the name of the horse i backed!" he said

2 days later, wife comes out to the patio and hits her husband over the head with a bigger frying pan!

"ouch! whats that for!" he cried

"Your horse is calling you on your mobile!"